Week 1 results and a rant

Well, week one went exceedingly well, in spite of the period from hell.   I'm down 6 pounds.  (This is probably TMI - but I may have lost half of that because of my cycle.) I stuck to counting my points everyday and didn't exceed my extra points.  I also got exercise in three days last week.  (Hey I know it's not great but it's three more than I got the week before) The biggest change has been drinking more water.  I've cut way back on my diet soda and am trying to drink mostly water - I do allow myself one soda a day.  I don't love counting points - I miss eating what I want when I want, but I'm trying to think of the big picture.  I need this to be a lifestyle change this time.

As far as my rant goes - I think I've shared some about my brother in law before.  He's a verbally abusive jerk.  He has done pretty much everything by the book with my sister - separate her from friends and family and any support structure then rip her down to nothing.  She honestly believes she couldn't make it without him.  I've tried to talk to her, I've written her letters, I've shared articles with her that explain what this is doing to her young daughters.  And then I've stepped back and said "I'm here when you're ready to go, but I can't stand by and watch this happen to you and your little girls."  Well today I found out he is now telling her that our dad would be ashamed of her.  I am so mad I am seriously sitting here seeing red.  I've never wanted to punch someone as much as I want to punch him.  How dare he say that the Godliest man I've ever known - the most kind and compassionate man would be ashamed of his daughter.  If dad were here he wouldn't be ashamed of my sister he'd be sitting at her house in his truck helping her and her daughters pack and get away from that vile evil husband.

Turning over a new leaf - Day 1

I'm really proud of myself today.  I've stuck to counting my points, drinking lots of water, and meatless Monday.  Today's dinner was arroz congri from skinnytaste.com.  I made smoked sausage to go with hubby's - he wasn't thrilled with the meatless Monday plan.  I topped mine with half an avocado and fresh tomatoes from our garden.  (I didn't even use any cheese! Go me!)  It was surprisingly delicious and filling.  Ultimately I am hoping I can stick to this and make a lifestyle change.  I desperately want to feel better about myself.  

I'm still planning to meet a friend for a brisk walk around the campus after David is done at Boy Scouts.  I'm really looking forward to the walk actually.  

Time to get off my fat butt

So I have to confess I've been lazy all summer.  My weight is up to 235 - not the highest it's ever been - but headed back to that place.  I'm not happy with it, I hate getting up in the morning and feeling fat.  I hate buying clothes at Goodwill that should fit and getting them home and realizing they don't fit.  I hate the daily struggle to try to look nice even though I feel enormous.  So here we go.  I've got my food diary app re-installed on my phone.  I hit the grocery store today and bought lots of healthy veggies and salad fixings for the week.  I planned this week's menu using this website.  I'm even attempting Meatless Mondays in my menu planning.  Well - I will have meatless monday and my hubby and D will have meat added to their dinner.  I'm determined that even though this is going to be HARD  (I love food and hate exercise) that I need to lose weight before our vow renewal ceremony at the end of October.  The first place I always seem to lose is my face - which will help our pictures out a lot and hopefully in the beginning it will come off fast.  It has in the past.  I've even managed to line up one of my friends as a walking buddy.  Maybe we can keep ourselves motivated.  It'd be amazing if I could manage to peel off 20 pounds by the end of October - I know that's a lot, but if I put my mind to it maybe I can.

My biggest issue is trying to do this in a sane manner.  In the past I haven't always made the best choices when it comes to weight loss.  Before I met my husband when I was at my lowest weight - I was down to 175 and I was obsessive about it.  I was walking or exercising constantly - which isn't awful... but I was also throwing up after almost every meal.  I don't want to be that girl anymore but I know it's very easy to slide into that girl.  She's the voice in the back of my head after a big meal whispering "Just go toss your cookies, you'll feel better".  She's scary and tempting all rolled into one.

So I guess I'm going to be using this blog to document my lifestyle change for awhile and keep myself honest.  I do a better job of sticking to a diet when I'm checking in at least once a week.  Fingers crossed and prayers whispered that I have the willpower to stick to it this time.

Just a Dream

4 years ago today I had a miscarriage.  My heart broke into two pieces and one of those pieces went to live in Heaven.  It's strange how when it happens you think the hurt will never end.  Every time my period came that first year I felt my heart breaking over and over.  It's all the little things in the first couple of years that could make you start crying.  Your friends sweet little babies, the baby aisle at any store, commercials, articles, Pinterest, there were so many triggers in those first two years.  Now here we are 4 years later and it's still an ache.  We've learned to let go and know that it wasn't meant to be.  We've stopped hoping and wishing and we're content with our family of three.... but there will always be that what if.  On this day every year our family pauses to remember and think about that what if.

What if Zion Amie had been born on Earth instead of Heaven?  Would she have been as content a baby as her big brother?  Would she have had chubby cheeks and legs?  Would her eyes have been brown or blue or a blend like her brother's?  Would her hair have been a little red?  Would she have loved to rock and swing?  Would she have been a restless sleeper or snug like a bug?  Would she have toddled fast chasing after cats, dogs, and David?  Would she have loved to listen to stories?  Would she have been a spinner, a twirler, a little dancer?  Or would she have dug in the mud and searched for bugs?  

Four years - she would be four this year.  She would be walking and talking.  Running and laughing.  Playing with dolls or trucks.  She would be in preschool for the first year.  She would be learning her letters and her numbers.  She would be dreaming about being a ballerina, a zookeeper, a princess, or a ninja.  She would be 4 and she would be loved to the moon and back.  

Summer Break

Summer vacation is finally here.  It was a fantastic school year with a terrific team and a super class, but I'm looking forward to relaxing and spending some downtime with David.

This school year definitely flew by when I think about the fact my little man is now a first grader.  We were so blessed with his kindergarten teachers this year.  I couldn't have asked for a better one.  Mrs. Pearson took a little boy who was scared of big school and thought he would never learn to read and turned him into quite a little reader.  I love listening to him read to me and am looking forward to our weekly library trips.  He's also quite the little mathematician.  He has adding and subtracting down and even has a rudimentary grasp of multiplication.  He's definitely a smart little mind.

One of the things I am looking most forward to this year is not moving classrooms or changing grade levels.  It is a nice feeling to know that I don't have to rush in to school to pack up my room and then have to unpack it in August.  It's also a relief to know that when I am working on plans for next year it's the grade I already know and it will take much less work.

So our summer plans include bowling (kidsbowlfree.com), skating (kidsskatefree.com), summer reading program at the library, swimming, a few trips to the zoo (we have a family membership) and just playing around home.  I can't tell you how much I am looking forward to a low key summer!

Spring Fever

"It’s spring fever. That is what the name of it is. And when you’ve got it, you want — oh, you don’t quite know what it is you do want, but it just fairly makes your heart ache, you want it so! "

~Mark Twain

Spring fever - yep I've definitely got the itch.  I'm pinning and dreaming of butterfly gardens.  I'm making wish lists in seed catalogues and collecting supplies for toad homes, bug hotels, and butterfly feeders for my little wild man.  

Today's spring projects brought milkweed seeds from a friend at work.  Wildboy carefully wrapped them in damp paper towel and put them safely in the fridge to help the germinating process.  Then he anxiously marked the day on the calendar so he would know when we could plant them.  We've got to save the Monarchs don't you know.  Three weeks will drag by interminably without other distractions for him.  

Distractions though - thankfully we have a plenty.  We're counting down days until spring break.  There's only 8 days until break starts and 10 until we load up the wagon and head west to South Dakota.  So excited to go visit sweet friends who moved to far away.    There's other distractions to help the time fly by too.  

There's hyacinths to count

Sedum to find

Star Wars stories to write in the sun.  This one says, "The good sid is asom. The good guys all was (always) win." (Did I mention how much I love seeing my wild boy become a reader and writer in front of my eyes?)

There's swings to fly on. After all this year he is big enough to sit on the swing not on his belly "because he's not scared anymore".

All I can say is slow down time.  I love my little boy with dirt on his face and hands.  I want to absorb each and every moment so that when I'm old and he's grown I can pull out my memories and feel the sun and hear his voice and smell the dirty boy again and again.

Sounds of Spring

"Spring is the time of plans and projects." Leo Tolstoy, Anna Karenina

Finally the cold days of winter seem to be a thing of the past.  I always love the first few days of spring with their sense of promise and renewal.  It makes me want to clean my house and my heart and start everything fresh.  It always makes my heart dance with joy.  This weekend was finally an early spring weekend.  We've been cold and icy for so long.  It felt wonderful to spend time outside to dig in the dirt and clean the yard.  (Yep it even felt good to be outside cleaning up after our big beastie dog.)

Spring is also the time I start dreaming of gardens and seeds.  This year our biggest project is going to be creating two butterfly garden areas.  D has a subscription to Ranger Rick and this month had an article about the Monarch Butterfly.  Did you know their population has decreased by 90% due to pollution and agricultural run off?  Neither did we - but now that we do - D ever my little crusader is set to save the monarchs one garden at a time.  Actually Ranger Rick has a pretty cool thing going on right now.  If you take a picture of your child or yourself or your family making the American Sign Language sign for butterfly and post it to the National Wildlife Federation website and pledge to plant a butterfly garden and not use harmful fertilizers and sprays, they will send you a butterfly hero kit complete with seeds to attract butterflies.  

 Just click on this link and you can read all about it and sign up to be Butterfly Heroes

My little crusader in front of our future butterfly garden

It was so nice out today we decided to have dinner on the front porch.  It was wonderful to be outside and see the neighbors shaking off winter and venturing outside.  Our goal this spring and summer is to meet more of the people on our block.  I have this ridiculously outdated dream of living in the kind of neighborhood where everybody knows everybody and lends a hand where needed.  The kind of place where the kids run amuck in sprinklers and racing their bikes down the sidewalk and you know their safe.  I've spent the winter thinking about how I wish our neighborhood was more like that and I've decided that I can sit around a wish all day.  It's not going to change unless someone takes the first step - so I'm jumping in.  Just haven't decided how yet.  

The love of my life enjoying his collard greens. (blegh! It must be love if I make him that, right?)