Well, week one went exceedingly well, in spite of the period from hell. I'm down 6 pounds. (This is probably TMI - but I may have lost half of that because of my cycle.) I stuck to counting my points everyday and didn't exceed my extra points. I also got exercise in three days last week. (Hey I know it's not great but it's three more than I got the week before) The biggest change has been drinking more water. I've cut way back on my diet soda and am trying to drink mostly water - I do allow myself one soda a day. I don't love counting points - I miss eating what I want when I want, but I'm trying to think of the big picture. I need this to be a lifestyle change this time.
As far as my rant goes - I think I've shared some about my brother in law before. He's a verbally abusive jerk. He has done pretty much everything by the book with my sister - separate her from friends and family and any support structure then rip her down to nothing. She honestly believes she couldn't make it without him. I've tried to talk to her, I've written her letters, I've shared articles with her that explain what this is doing to her young daughters. And then I've stepped back and said "I'm here when you're ready to go, but I can't stand by and watch this happen to you and your little girls." Well today I found out he is now telling her that our dad would be ashamed of her. I am so mad I am seriously sitting here seeing red. I've never wanted to punch someone as much as I want to punch him. How dare he say that the Godliest man I've ever known - the most kind and compassionate man would be ashamed of his daughter. If dad were here he wouldn't be ashamed of my sister he'd be sitting at her house in his truck helping her and her daughters pack and get away from that vile evil husband.
Monday, August 31, 2015
Monday, August 24, 2015
Turning over a new leaf - Day 1
I'm really proud of myself today. I've stuck to counting my points, drinking lots of water, and meatless Monday. Today's dinner was arroz congri from skinnytaste.com. I made smoked sausage to go with hubby's - he wasn't thrilled with the meatless Monday plan. I topped mine with half an avocado and fresh tomatoes from our garden. (I didn't even use any cheese! Go me!) It was surprisingly delicious and filling. Ultimately I am hoping I can stick to this and make a lifestyle change. I desperately want to feel better about myself.
I'm still planning to meet a friend for a brisk walk around the campus after David is done at Boy Scouts. I'm really looking forward to the walk actually.
I'm still planning to meet a friend for a brisk walk around the campus after David is done at Boy Scouts. I'm really looking forward to the walk actually.
Sunday, August 23, 2015
Time to get off my fat butt
So I have to confess I've been lazy all summer. My weight is up to 235 - not the highest it's ever been - but headed back to that place. I'm not happy with it, I hate getting up in the morning and feeling fat. I hate buying clothes at Goodwill that should fit and getting them home and realizing they don't fit. I hate the daily struggle to try to look nice even though I feel enormous. So here we go. I've got my food diary app re-installed on my phone. I hit the grocery store today and bought lots of healthy veggies and salad fixings for the week. I planned this week's menu using this website. I'm even attempting Meatless Mondays in my menu planning. Well - I will have meatless monday and my hubby and D will have meat added to their dinner. I'm determined that even though this is going to be HARD (I love food and hate exercise) that I need to lose weight before our vow renewal ceremony at the end of October. The first place I always seem to lose is my face - which will help our pictures out a lot and hopefully in the beginning it will come off fast. It has in the past. I've even managed to line up one of my friends as a walking buddy. Maybe we can keep ourselves motivated. It'd be amazing if I could manage to peel off 20 pounds by the end of October - I know that's a lot, but if I put my mind to it maybe I can.
My biggest issue is trying to do this in a sane manner. In the past I haven't always made the best choices when it comes to weight loss. Before I met my husband when I was at my lowest weight - I was down to 175 and I was obsessive about it. I was walking or exercising constantly - which isn't awful... but I was also throwing up after almost every meal. I don't want to be that girl anymore but I know it's very easy to slide into that girl. She's the voice in the back of my head after a big meal whispering "Just go toss your cookies, you'll feel better". She's scary and tempting all rolled into one.
So I guess I'm going to be using this blog to document my lifestyle change for awhile and keep myself honest. I do a better job of sticking to a diet when I'm checking in at least once a week. Fingers crossed and prayers whispered that I have the willpower to stick to it this time.
My biggest issue is trying to do this in a sane manner. In the past I haven't always made the best choices when it comes to weight loss. Before I met my husband when I was at my lowest weight - I was down to 175 and I was obsessive about it. I was walking or exercising constantly - which isn't awful... but I was also throwing up after almost every meal. I don't want to be that girl anymore but I know it's very easy to slide into that girl. She's the voice in the back of my head after a big meal whispering "Just go toss your cookies, you'll feel better". She's scary and tempting all rolled into one.
So I guess I'm going to be using this blog to document my lifestyle change for awhile and keep myself honest. I do a better job of sticking to a diet when I'm checking in at least once a week. Fingers crossed and prayers whispered that I have the willpower to stick to it this time.
Tuesday, August 18, 2015
Just a Dream
4 years ago today I had a miscarriage. My heart broke into two pieces and one of those pieces went to live in Heaven. It's strange how when it happens you think the hurt will never end. Every time my period came that first year I felt my heart breaking over and over. It's all the little things in the first couple of years that could make you start crying. Your friends sweet little babies, the baby aisle at any store, commercials, articles, Pinterest, there were so many triggers in those first two years. Now here we are 4 years later and it's still an ache. We've learned to let go and know that it wasn't meant to be. We've stopped hoping and wishing and we're content with our family of three.... but there will always be that what if. On this day every year our family pauses to remember and think about that what if.
What if Zion Amie had been born on Earth instead of Heaven? Would she have been as content a baby as her big brother? Would she have had chubby cheeks and legs? Would her eyes have been brown or blue or a blend like her brother's? Would her hair have been a little red? Would she have loved to rock and swing? Would she have been a restless sleeper or snug like a bug? Would she have toddled fast chasing after cats, dogs, and David? Would she have loved to listen to stories? Would she have been a spinner, a twirler, a little dancer? Or would she have dug in the mud and searched for bugs?
Four years - she would be four this year. She would be walking and talking. Running and laughing. Playing with dolls or trucks. She would be in preschool for the first year. She would be learning her letters and her numbers. She would be dreaming about being a ballerina, a zookeeper, a princess, or a ninja. She would be 4 and she would be loved to the moon and back.
What if Zion Amie had been born on Earth instead of Heaven? Would she have been as content a baby as her big brother? Would she have had chubby cheeks and legs? Would her eyes have been brown or blue or a blend like her brother's? Would her hair have been a little red? Would she have loved to rock and swing? Would she have been a restless sleeper or snug like a bug? Would she have toddled fast chasing after cats, dogs, and David? Would she have loved to listen to stories? Would she have been a spinner, a twirler, a little dancer? Or would she have dug in the mud and searched for bugs?
Four years - she would be four this year. She would be walking and talking. Running and laughing. Playing with dolls or trucks. She would be in preschool for the first year. She would be learning her letters and her numbers. She would be dreaming about being a ballerina, a zookeeper, a princess, or a ninja. She would be 4 and she would be loved to the moon and back.
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